maviwrites

2006-12-16T18:44:00.001+08:00

three months has past...

a whirlwind affair
with another unruly individual

he ruled the blood in my heart
that flowed in to my brain

my thoughts he crowded
with malicious mischievous intents

my hands he tied around
my own neck

his breath stayed in my parched mouth for days
but what seemed like eons

my soul and sorcery dried up
as well

as a willing dark bride
i walked down the aisle to meet him

it was only the mist of his shadow
and not he who met me with the tightest embrace

2006-12-16T18:44:00.000+08:00

1st training week

2006-09-06T01:42:00.000+08:00

i started training for my new job last weekend...so far, it has been a blast!

my brain can't function any better right now...i'm just so happy that it's my rest day today. but i am also feel quite down as i won't be seeing my "crush" today. yup! only a week in to training and i already have a target. haha...he's so freaking irresistable. i have counted the 8 small moles on his nape the last time i caught him catching some z's in the pantry...

and as my fave wornout shirt goes - - i (heart) nerds...

i am crushing-butterflies-in-my-stomach-making-kilig over my co-worker :)

new possibilities

2006-08-20T20:43:00.000+08:00

I'm IN! Finally! I applied for this job last January. they called me back 6 months after. now, a month after, i'm scheduled to start my 3-day orientation. I'm ginger and nutty rolled in to one. though my dedication to my band will never be affected by my new priorities, late practices will definitely have to be minimized from now on.

Spain! Here I come!

2006-08-20T20:39:00.000+08:00

September 10, 1978 Th

10:40 am

I am here. Here I am. Somewhere above me is little big Isabelle - soon to be in heaven? I guess so. I’m okay here. For I soon will be in heaven myself. Anyway, I don’t mind waiting down here. I have lots of patience. And it’s no bore at all. I am being entertained by the unusually comfortable atmosphere I am currently absorbing. I’ve got music. I’ve got a pen. I’ve got ventilation. And a peachy guy doing the laundry…

September 12, 1978 Sat

My most heartfelt sentiments on last Thursday’s events:

After a most heart-warming, belly-aching and throat-wrenching band practice - the day practically ended there.

- Nothing worthy of being mentioned nor written. I’m only hoping I could get rid of any sort of recollection of that day’s latter events…

Okay, I’ll share…a crumb…

We were definitely riding in style along Aurora Cubao. Deeply drowned in my own thoughts on what happened during the practice, the Warlock began his spells. First, he conducted an investigation on my so-called “unusual quietness”. Purposely implying that I was pissed off. I was not. I was quiet. But I was not pissed off. And I was telling the truth…

He did not believe me.

Second, he was hungry. I was not. The Warlock wanted to eat. I knew, so the Nymph asked. The Warlock wanted to eat with the Nymph. So, the Nymph complied. He bought:

1rice meal, 2 burgers, 2 fries and 3 colas!

The Warlock expected the Nymph to finish the 2 burgers and fries. She did not finish it for she was full. He was utterly disappointed. He compromised. He would finish one burger. She force herself to eat to the point of bingeing. He was still unsatisfied. The Warlock said the Nymph ate too little too slow. The Nymph accepted. The Nymph ate. She was force to do so. The Nymph did not like it.

Third, the Warlock obviously did not like the Nymph’s new shag. He told – I mean, ordered the Nymph never to cut her hair again. He recited: “You must listen to the master”. Dignity, femininity and pride partially disintegrated, she obliged. But she was hurt.

DISBELIEF. RIDICULE. DISAPPOINTMENT. DISLIKE. UNSATISFACTION.

QUIETNESS. HONESTY. SUFFOCATION. DEGRADED. QUESTIONED. SIDETRACKED.

The Warlock. The Nymph. 4 months and 2 days. There’s still more to come…

Late night

What a nice surprise! Surely something worth mentioning…

I called Baby Bear and the Owl answered. He was obviously using the phone. He was surely going to tell me to call again after 5 mins. But this time he asked, “Is this (my name)?”

WEEELLL???

I answered positive. He bid goodbye - and so did I.

So what’s the big deal? I don’t know, too. But it made me smile up to my ears. My <3 pounded real fast (like I was on S). I was holding on to the phone for minutes. Kilig!

WOW! After all this time, I’m still, well, not really in love, but I think, most sensually attracted to him. I mean ask me to decide on whether which among the guys I know would I most consider, or at least, imagine myself making love to (for the first time ever) and the answer would be as clear as an owl’s vision at night: the Owl!!!, of course.

Hmmm…if ever, I imagine my first time would be like this…

* B L E E E E E E E E P *

(post note: 400 words only described scenes up to 1st base…nothing followed…)

numerology

2006-08-20T20:20:00.000+08:00

March 1, 1981

3 + 1 + 1981

1985

1 + 9 + 8 + 5

23

2 + 3

5

5's are the explorers.

Their natural curiosity, risk-taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well-advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.

Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail.

Nasugbu days

2006-08-05T01:07:00.000+08:00

April 21, 2006

I am not a fan of the summer’s sun. My bare shoulders and limp hair wage war against its rays. But that day, and the hours that followed, caught me unsuspectingly. I was there at the beach to wile away the burning days and melting nights. Something was aimed to alter all potentials as soon as I got there.
I just got back from Nausgbu with some friends. I haven’t even put down my bags when the sea beckoned me to kick off my slippers and sink my feet in to the sugary sands. I never saw the sea as an enchantress. Unknowingly, I succumbed to her charms as the grains flowed and rose in between my toes.
And so my brief affair with a new goddess had begun…
As soon as we had settled and unpacked, my friends and I headed straight out to find the perfect spot at the beach. For four girls who were predominantly single and who were not out there to attract unwanted attention, the “perfect spot” meant a safe place where we could peel off our sweaty summer clothes revealing the skimpy bikinis underneath. Good thing the different resorts had few guests the day we arrived. So from five until dinnertime, I was free to enjoy the beach in its entirety – the smooth, warm sand…lush mountains framing the cottages…the sun slowly breathing its last embers…cool, silvery waves caressing my thighs…and the surreal view of the Taal at the end of the horizon…

I wanted to immerse every inch and cell of my urban body. I was overwhelmed. Nirvana briefly visited my bliss when I saw a small aqua blue bird fly and perch on a tree. The image of this memory still engulfs me.
After a feast of fish, native pork barbecue (This is the best kind of pork I have tasted. The cook just salted the meat before grilling it.) and a ton of rice, we went back to the beach to get some pictures. We missed the sunset and I was almost crushed until we reached the far end of the shore. The sea did not fail to impress again…

This time, the rocky end of the beach revealed its own beauty. The tide was so low the shore seemed to extend towards half of the sea. The exposed rocks were like giant and baby turtles moon bathing in silence. Excited, I walked fast to embrace what seemed to be an illusion. I was startled when three equally alarmed birds flew off from the rocks they were resting on. From where I was standing, the moon faintly showed me the birds were of a light color. Its silhouette had a long neck and a large beak. It was bigger than the common rooster. B - e – a – utiful

part 2

After hours and hours of photo sessions courtesy of Steph, we retreated to a nice spot on the beach to catch up on one another’s lives so far. Armed with a 500 mL bottle of Lipton iced tea and a big bag of La-La fish crackers we discussed almost everything under the moon - - Ex-boyfriend stories (“Baket nga ba kayo nag-break ni Croks?”), new boy toy prospect plans (“Sino ba yung four-letter named guy sa hula sayo sa baraha?”), future career objectives (“Pag walang nangyari sakin this year baka mag-flight attendant nako.”), past crappy and or shitty jobs (“Pumasa nako sa interview at training tapos di nako sumipot kasi ang layo.”), health and beauty tips (“Dapat talaga di nako nagparebond. Relax na lang sana.”), the arts (“Maganda si Dido sa video na yan.”), current events (“Alam nyo bang si Jen nabuntis?”)…

By the time we reached the topic of philosophy a little after eleven (“Biruin mo, gano kaya kalalim ang dagat?”), some of us decided to sleep early so we could wake up early at five the following day. We were determined to catch the sun off-guard for the last time.

A few minutes after one in the morning, the last person got settled in bed…

I awoke to Atit’s celfone alarm. A record of annoying voice repeatedly said – “Bakla gising! Uy, gising na bakla! Punyeta! Bakla! Gising!” - A liberating way to start another day…
At six, Majella, Atit, Steph and I were eating taho while waiting for a decent sunrise. I silently begged for the very elusive sun to come out of the mountains behind us. Around this time, even the Taal was hiding behind heavy mist. We then just took pictures of the moon-bathing-turtle-rocks. I am anxious to see how the “leper” rock would come out in the picture that I took. The rock had so many, many, many small baby stones stuck to it. I also took a picture of a weird looking tree. Against all the ordinary trees, it stood out because it was charcoal black. It had neither branches nor leaves. Maybe someone tried to set it on fire. I burned more film as we walked towards the other end of the beach. We passed fishing boats bearing big lobsters, curachas and a fishy looking fish. Its head was like that of a janitor fish’s but with a higher hump. Its bulging black eyes were set far apart. Its tail was like that of a lobster’s. It was of a vibrant orange color. I aimed my camera at it to take a picture. I almost dropped my camera when Steph decided to be funny and groaned hard behind me to surprise me…harharhar…

Finishing my last roll of film, I went off to do yoga. The three girls joined in and asked me to teach them. One by one, my students dropped off. In the end they were happily mocking me and referring to my poses as erotic.

Knowing this was our last day at the beach, we played mermaids from seven until eleven. We played tag, took photos as we posed like reluctant Sports Illustrated bikini models, got stung by invisible jellyfish, donned goggles and saw striped fish and a lone janitor fish look-alike. Bored by sunbathing, I decided to do my part for mama nature. I fished out trash from the sea. I collected 2 plastic cups, some sort of rubber ring thing, a Boy Bawang wrapper and a brown bag that turned out to be a used diaper that got stuck to a glass cola bottle. Though exhausted and sunburnt, we went back to the cottage as happy, shiny people…

On our trip back…

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half-empty or half-full
It slowly rises: your love is gonna drown
…and then…
Love of mine, someday you will die
But I’ll be close behind and I’ll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark
…and another…
You’ll be loved you’ll be loved
Like you never have known
And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs: like I never occurred
And someday you will be loved
…and some more…
You’re so cute when you’re slurring you’re speech but they’re closing the bar and they want us to leave
Oh, and this one…
But I’m thinking of what Sarah said:
That “love is watching someone die.”
So who’s gonna watch you die?

The cd turned and turned for more than four times until we decided to tune in to the radio. By that time I’ve had enough wistfulness and melancholy that I falsely ached to go back to Nasugbu and enjoy the rest of what the sun had to offer.
…and that was my short-lived infidelity with the sun.

By this time, I am already enjoying the gloomy saccharine skies. I will never get enough of its syrupy bitter rain and dark plum haze…

an ode to a faux mistress of the dark...wahaha

2006-08-01T04:46:00.000+08:00

resurrection?
reunion?
misinterpretation - - -

desperation of a multilated pretentious mystic wannabe.

"newbie"
me?
miscalculation - - -

misguided deceit of a false stale blood stinking bride.

wistful
hopeful
pointless - - -

she can never ever turn out to be someone better than her yellow trash self.

forced
obligated
pitiful - - -

your whole being.

it was a favor, my dear adulteress - though not for you.

i want to go back to baguio and pick strawberries off igorots' hair

2006-07-29T00:53:00.000+08:00

ste-penny!

2006-07-25T16:56:00.000+08:00

today is step's birthday...we're here here in her room for a stop-over. we started celebrating at 10am. had lunch with my furniture maker at 12 in this new diner-themed place in araneta called "butter diner". was so surpirised and pissed when my order arrived! my "ain't nothing but a hound dog" sandwich turned out to be a half (!) grilled beef frank embedded in bread with mustard, relish and pickles (bigger than the hotdog!) . side note: step wants to fix up her old maid tita with my 60+ year-old furniture maker...

oh,well...

we ran over to msm u.s. surplus before the heavy rains caught up with us. bought quirky items that we can sell in the shop that we're about to open (will tell you more about that in another entry! but i am sooooo excited). i saw the victorian-like 3-seater sofa that deedae and i saw before. we wanted to buy it but found it too pricey at P12,000. now, they discounted it down to P8,000. still pricey! ...hmmm, but i'm thinking...it will definitely look good in our vintage shop... steph and i weren't able to buy any clothes or shoes for oursleves. but i did buy an old trainspotting vhs (P25!). i will have to test it in our player asap when i get home. hope it still works! it was in 2nd year high shool when i last saw the film at a friend's house. i've been wanting to watch the movie again...

we gave up and went back to get the car. went here to her house so she could check on her birthday emails while i took a nap. when it was my turn on the pc, i uploaded my band's video in my friendster account...

we still have lots of things on our list for today. the list includes - ktv, dinner, a photo shoot for steph, etc. will tell you more next time. step and i have to go back to my house asap!

plain, white and simple

2006-07-22T18:40:00.000+08:00

i'm here in steph's room on her pc.

last month, i decided i needed to create my own blogspot. i need an outlet for my thoughts. doing that in my band's blogspot seem inappropriate. i planned to go over my old teenage journals and post them on my band's blog but backed when i realized i wasn't comfortable with the idea. i wrote:

i used to keep journals in high school. i'd write about the highlights of my week in (and out of) school and also even the mundane everyday details of my adolescent life. a good hour before bedtime was spent on recounting what had happened during the day that was about to end.i don't know why writing down my thoughts and perversions seemed a lot easier then. maybe because i knew i would be the only who'll ever read the things i wrote. not unless, someone broke in to our house and in to my room then forced open the padlock on my beaureau and took my journals for an unknown reason.how i'd like to be able to do that here in our blog. but i realize, i'm a very private person - thus the need to express my thoughts , then, easily found its way in to the depths of my teenage journal. i cannot do that here. call me selfish but i have developed layers and layers through the years. i seem to lose little amounts of faith, trust, joy, boldness and unpretentious creativity every year.but i guess, what worries me is what if the evil journal troll-fairy does find his way in to my house and upstairs in to my room? my thoughts and perversions during high school (the golden years, for me) will be lost...used as kindling for a sacrificial bonfire in an alternate universe...so here's the deal, i will dig up my old journals from their hiding place and scan the crusty pages. i will look for the highlights of my life beginning with my punk stage as a 15 year old girl and share them with you...

...and then i retracted a month after.

so now this is my own space for things and flings or bits of shit
on whats and bats and cats with hats
for thrills and spills of chills and skills
on things and kings and pawns or prey
and hey i'm gay, i'm not, are you?
so what?
let's chat and skat or rock my sock off my own words
til i succumb
to the evil that is me.

...that just gave me a mild fever.

simmering in cubao

2006-07-21T17:53:00.000+08:00

started my day late. was supposed to wake up at 9 and do cardio plus some yoga. i guess i had tiring dreams again because when i woke up, my whole back was tense and my legs were really tired as if from running.

2 days ago i went to a job interview scheduled 6 months late. i applied for this clothing company last january 13. i forgot all about it until they called me up the other night telling me that i have a scheduled interview the following day. i showed up at 10am in my best VM get-up. ukay black wrap dress (P90) clinched with my fashion staple and unique thick brown garter ukay belt (P70). i finished off the whole composition with my tan CMG snakeskin peeptoe flats (P1999! - my lola's treat! *this pair has its own story. my lola had me throw out the sandals i was wearing when we first visited the newly opened mall of asia. she bought me this pair so i could look like the designer i am supposed to be. ) and my ukay pumpkin orange corporate bag (P240)...

total cost for my outfit that day - P2399